Well, That Was Awkward

Happy 2017!

I got stuck on a hill coming home from the grocery store today.  On New years Eve my party plans were ruined when it decided to dump another almost-foot of snow on us out here in the sticks.  Seriously – I live in a temperate rainforest FOR A REASON.  Why does it keep snowing?  So I got snowed in with the dogs.  After it snowed, rather than getting warm and washing the snow away as per usual, the temperature instead dropped.  Right now it claims to be 1 degree outside, but we have an arctic outflow that with windchill makes it like -10.  So all that snow FROZE and for reasons known only to city officials, snow plows and salters use our neighbourhood to go salt and plow other neighbourhoods, but do nothing to ours en route.  As such, the one road leading in and out to the main routes (and it has a big hilly dip in the middle of it) is basically inches and inches of solid ice.  I’ve been snowed/iced in since the 30th and desperately needed groceries so today I risked the road to go run errands.  I made it out onto the main route and was literally shaking by the time I got there, it was so harrowing.  But coming home was worse – as I turned onto our street from the main road, a car coming up the intersection couldn’t stop on the ice and plowed into another car driving down the main road.  I stopped to see if they needed help, but it was a low impact collision and everyone was cool (though annoyed AF, obviously).  I then made my treacherous way down the hilly dip but part way back up the other side I started to slide backward … and slide, and slide … thankfully there was nobody behind me and I eventually came to rest on the side of the road (but not IN the ditch, thankfully, as I was basically in someone’s driveway).

Some people get a shiny knight on a white horse to their rescue.  I got a farmer in a tractor from the farm two doors down from me.  He towed me over the crest of the hill and I inched my way the remaining two blocks home at 7 KM/H in first gear.  My teeth have finally stopped chattering and I have managed to scrub the frozen tears off my cheeks.  It was so scary.

I am going to miss my neighbourhood so very much, they are such good people here :(

The plus side of the snow is that the dogs really enjoy it* though they seem a bit mystified about where it keeps coming from.

(*Addy exempted from above statement)

Here’s Wootie enjoying the icesnow pack from the 30th:

And here’s Wootie wondering what the f*ck happened to the earth after the second dump on the 1st.

Here’s Spring levitating over the icy ground from before New Year’s (notice “greenery” clearly visible in background):

And here she is bounding through the snowdrifts on New Year’s Day (notice nothing visible in background except more snow):

Look!  You can see the ground!  You can also see a bad TWooie hunting on the neighbour’s property.

Now – nothing but Winter in the snow.

Speaking of Winter … this is the face of a dog in the midst of an existential crisis that only a man could experience.

Namely, Peetie is in season right now and has decided that Winter is her chosen mate. Winter The Giant Penis (interpret as you wish) is neutered, but that doesn’t stop him from thinking impure thoughts.  He does not like Peetie, as he finds her (as we all do) annoying and persistently pesty, but he is also a horndog – which means he growls at her when she butt-flirts with him and then he furiously humps her, and then he’s angry at both her and himself for what he’s done.  Wash, rinse and repeat several times a day.

I hate myself.  Moar sexy times pleaze.

His self loathing may come from two places;

1) Dexter was her Numero Uno choice.  Dexter obliged.  The naughty dogs started to tie, Peetie lost her nerve and started crying, Dexter ran away and is now terrified of Peetie.


2) Peetie is a slut, and is flirting with everyone and everything that will engage her and if Winter won’t get it done, she figures someone else will.  I caught Wootie giving her sexy ears this morning and doing a little tap dance for her (which reaffirms my belief that Wootie is not, in fact, a dog, but rather a species of exotic bird).  But most amazingly, she has charmed TWooie into thinking he might have a shot at some sweet, ermm, lady bits.

I thought TWooie was asexual, so this has been entertaining.  He is practically doing cartwheels to get her attention.

Who am I becoming?

Meanwhile, this tiny dog (in her coyote vest for safety, and sweater for warmth) is enjoying the snow endlessly.

Because the snow has flattened a lot of the scrub on the property, visibility is a helluva lot better, so she is allowed to explore more places as I can see there are no carnivorous dangers lurking unseen behind bushes.

The other tiny dog is a miserable shivering collection of bone and skin and wishing she had never left sunny California for this freezing cold god awful climate.  She is not wearing her coyote vest because I can’t put her in my jacket when she’s wearing it, and she spends 99.981% of our walks in my coat.  She basically leave the comfort of my clothes long enough to poop (for which I am very grateful) . No amount of sweaters and body suits can keep her warm, poor thing.

This dog likes the snow so much that she goes out in it to “pee” late at night, then suddenly loses her hearing and refuses to hear me calling her to come back inside and I have to put on boots and a coat over my pajamas and go retrieve her.  Good thing I built a fence, or I might lose her forever!

I’m glad the dogs are having fun in said snow…

Because this weekend we are supposed to get another 25 cms of the freaking stuff (that’s 10 more inches to you Americans).  On top of the foot or so we already have.  That’s gonna be just FREAKING AWESOME.


More snow?  Yay!

One year I bought snow tires for my van, and four weeks later somebody totaled my van, and it didn’t even snow that year.  It hasn’t seriously snowed since (just smatterings here and there that last for a day or two and then melt), and thus I haven’t gotten snow tires since.  I am deeply regretting not having them this year.  I’d pimp Peetie out for some!  This kind of weather is so unprecedented.

So far, absolutely nothing even close to resembling something affordable that is dog friendly has come up for rental possibilities, so I guess the silver lining is at least I’m not missing potential homes because I can’t get out to go see them?  (I’m reaching here).  The landlords’ realtor and the buyer’s realtor came up with a one-year lease rental option for all of us (landlord included) but when they approached the buyer, the buyer nixed it – doesn’t want any of us here.  So there is 100% no possibility of any of us staying past the end of February.  I’m trying not to panic.  Even though this place has caused me some serious grief over the years, I’m still going to miss my home a lot :(

I’ll be sad to leave it.  After all, it’s where I am going to bury Peetie’s body after I throttle her for pestering me to go outside to play in the icefridge world.

This photo is from December 12th.  That’s a long time for us to have snow!

Happy New Year, I guess.  (insert New Year’s equivalent of “bah Humbug” here)

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

This is the BEST time of the year!  As soon as it snows, you get to kick your puppy dog!

Before you get all up in arms, just look at them!  They love it!  They’re even lining up for their chance to get a boot in the face from The Food lady!

Whut?  Why you gotta kick a puppy dog?

I kid, I kid.  It’s not kick your puppy dog season, it’s kick snow at Piper season!

It’s Piper’s favouritest season of all.

Ohplease ohplease ohplease!!


I have never known another dog to get so over-the-top excited about a toeful of snow to the schnoz.  She’s toe-tally a masnowchist (see what I did there?).  She loves it!

It was nice to get real snow for a change, and super nice of Weather to correspond it with my days off for once, so I didn’t have to *coughcough* get “sick” in the middle of the day to go home and play with them in it.  I mean rest on the sofa.

The dogs love the snow.

Except TinyDog, a California girl who was unimpressed with her circumstances.


Until she discovered she could EAT IT.

I want your snow too.

We spent all day yesterday alternating between editing the last Christmas Pictures session and playing in the white stuff.

Even TWooie!

We tried playing a little fetch in the snow, but a certain SOMEONE lost the ball.

When the game stalled, Piper assumed it was because the Food Lady had gone senile and forgotten what implement was needed for throwing the ball, and helpfully retrieved it for me.

But can’t get too upset with Miss Holly, for tomorrow she leaves for what we hope will be her forever home.

Sometimes I just stop and think how blessed I am.  Not everything goes right all the time, but I have a beautiful family and a beautiful life.

Even if Dexter IS batshit insane.

Chill out, Food Lady.

There are lots of things to blog about that I have not had time for the last while, and in the New Year I promise to come back refreshed and ready!  In the meantime, The Woofs and The WooTWoo (and me too!) wish you a Very Merry Christmas!

Worst Blogger Ever

*waves*  Hi!  Remember me?  The Food Lady with a bunch of dogs and a really full schedule who has had no time for blogging the last several weeks?

See, tis that time of year again.  HOLIDAY PHOTOS.

We did your first session of Santa Photos last weekend, and as always, it was loads of  fun.

It was so much fun I brought the Santa suit to work and jollied a coworker into playing Santa, and took photos of the shelter dogs too.

Wouldn’t this photo make you want to adopt Jack, an 18 month old Pug X Chihuahua?

Or Chloe, an 18 month old Keeshond X Golden Retriever?

Or Betty White, a feisty old lady terrier dog?

Man, the light box I built at work makes for beautiful, crystal clear photos with lovely lighting.  I want to build one for home, so I can take photos of my own beasts over the dreary winter, and actually, you know, blog.

I also got to take photos of some lovely doggies who required a photo session.  And *I* am not fool enough to pass up the opportunity to photograph (read: play with and snuzzle) the world’s most adorable bulldog puppy, Stevie.

But Stevie would rather play with Jessie.

When it comes to playing, I’ve been busy too … I’ve been busy playing some dog sports, and trying some new ones!

Lure coursing is over for the year, which is okay, as it gives me time to put Wootie on a BIG FAT DIET and make him skinny again for next Spring.

Excuse me?  A WHAT?

I think he would be really great at lure coursing, if he were not so tubby.

I also think he would be SUPER great at our newest dog sport, which is called Barn Hunt.  This is a sport in which your dog (especially if it is a terrier, since they all seem – shockingly, I know – to go mental for this) has to locate a live rat that is housed in a PVC tube with air holes in it.  There are other PVC tubes in play as well, that may contain rat bedding, or nothing at all.  The dogs have to go through and over a course of hay bales and locate the correct rat-filled PVC tube and indicate (usually through screaming, I gather) that they have found it.  As you the human do not know which tube actually contains a rat, you have to have confidence in your dog’s ratting skills and call the correct tube when your dog hits on it.  If you and your dog are wrong, you get disqualified.  If you are right, in the allotted time, you qualify.  If your dog can find the rat the fastest, you win!

We tried Barnhunt at a seminar this weekend – I brought the whipjacks, because I thought they would excel at it.  They weren’t quite as superb as I imagined they would be (reminds me of our first experience at lure coursing, actually).  After initially being FAR too polite to point out to me that our hostess had – OMG – RATS, Spring eventually figured out the goal was to identify the vermin tube, and then she would delicately sit down beside it and place a paw gentle on the pvc pipe (“I don’t mean to alarm anyone, but I think there might be a mouse or something in this ‘objet’ … so sorry to be the bearer of bad news.”)  She passed her instinct test with not bad time.

But at least she would go over and under the haybales, something Winter just resolutely would not do, as they were terrifying and itchy.  And at first he refused to look at the rat at all, even the one in the see-through box.  I suspect he thought he’d get in trouble (a la killing my chickens) if he let on that he wanted to KILL THAT THING.  After lots of encouragement, he started muzzle punching the box and trying to dig through it, so I took him through the instinct test as well.  His “indicator” is to glance at the correct tube and then avert his eyes and pretend he wanted nothing to do with the rat inside of it, so I had to be pretty aware.  But he passed also.

I would NEVER kill a small living thing, nope.  I don’t even know what a rat is.  Nuh-uh.

The best dogs at the seminar were something that looked like an itty bitty airedale – that thing basically bodily hurled the hay bales out of the way and tried to eat through the PVC – and a Patterdale terrier that located the tube in under 10 seconds.

I do believe Wootie would kick some PVC-Rat-Tube ASS, so I’m enrolling him in the next seminar.

The today we went and played The Agilities.  Springaling was trying for her third and final Starters Standard to get her ADC title, and move up to Advanced – and she did!  She also got her first Advanced Gamble – she’ll be in Masters Gamble in no time, as she loves to Gamble.

Play agility, hunt rats, stalk my brother until he wrestles with me – it’s all fine with me!

She pooped in the box in Team Relay, after PROMISING me for a good 5 minutes of sniffing outside that she did not need to poop, nope.  And she missed one tunnel entry in Jumpers (my fault) so she went 2/4.  I had entered her in both Starters Standards (cuz I REALLY wanted that title!) and as she Q’d the first one, I had one to spare.

So I, umm, threw Dexter in in her place.

YES I KNOW I said I was not trialing him anymore.  I have been good, haven’t entered him in the last few, but as he was there anyway in the truck, I thought – what the heck!  Why waste a perfectly good, already paid for run?  So I did.  And damn if the sneaky f*cker didn’t Q with a perfect run.

You don’t give crazy enough credit.

Amazingly, that Q was the last one HE needed for his ADC, so both my dogs got their Agility Dog of Canada titles today.  How exciting is that?  I’m not getting my hopes up or anything ( have, after all, been fooled before!), but maybe this means there is hope for him yet!  Of course, it takes him an average of two years to get out of a level, so he’ll be ancient by the time we get to Masters, but there you go.

In other news, Piper turns 11 tomorrow.

She is doing great, motoring around on that repaired ACL leg like nobody’s business.  She is also batshit CRAZY these days – I have to keep here away from squeaky toys, as she eats them whenever she can, and if she gets the ball when we are out playing, she runs home with it and stands on the porch in a mild state of panic.  Sound of body, but not quite of mind.

The WooTWoo turn eight years old tomorrow as well.  Looking pretty FAT for eight!

TWooie will not play ball or anything, so he just ambles about or sits while we play ball before and after work in the dark.  Sometimes I think he would be quite happy living with a little old lady who will take him for little walks around the block and feed him bon bons on the couch.

As for me, I turn 41 tomorrow.  There is, in my house, 1 dog for every 5 years and 1.5 months of my life (cuz I have Holly, my foster puppy, here as well).

She’s real cute, I’m sure people will be dying to adopt her when I put her up for adoption.  More power to them – she is a BUSY BUSY puppy, always into something!

And Tweed is, at 13.5, five hundred kinds of awesome :)

More Santa (and Grinch, and a secret, soon to be unveiled character) photo sessions coming up at various locations around the Lower Mainland.  If you’re in the area, keep an eye on the blog and the FB page, as we’ll be announcing them soon!