Up Next On Snowcase

More snow!

Half a Wootie’s worth of snow, to be precise.

This ridiculous.  On Thursday I went and picked up the keys to my new place and the world looked like this:

newhouse

Now everything looks like this:

And guess what else?

WE’RE GETTING MORE SNOW!

FOR THREE MORE DAYS!!

And you can just wipe that border collie smile right off your happy face Dexter.  We are running out of essentials.  Soon you dogs will be forced to eat one another.  I recommend starting with the fat ones (I’m looking at you, TWooie!)

So. Much. Snow.  It’s really rare for us to get snow at all here – usually we get a smallish dump of an inch or three, just enough to make it look pretty and fun for the dogs, then it melts away within 48 hours or so and we’re back to the wet stuff.  But this winter has been drunk, and should go home.  We had snow on the ground for SEVEN WEEKS in December and January – it didn’t snow like A LOT a lot, but it snowed and stayed, which is rare in and of itself.  It finally melted, we all remembered what the world looked like without being frozen … my chickens thought it was spring and started laying again, I could open the windows and type without wearing gloves.  I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO MOVING INTO MY NEW HOUSE.  Then this happened.  And this was a LOT of snow, well over a foot in 24 hours.  A few more centimetres last night.  And now they are calling for more snow right through Wednesday.  I hear this morning it’s already snowing again to the East of us. *ETA – as I typed that, I glanced outside … it’s snowing again here too.  UGH!

Inexplicably, the dogs *love* the stuff.

So many happy faces!

(Fae looks freaked out, but believe me, it’s one of her happy faces)

Not sure what they’re so happy about.  The snow is deep enough, and heavy enough, that is causes the hairy dogs to turn into snow transportation delivery devices:

And you know what dogs hate?  Blow dryers.  You know what gets rid of snowball collections?  Blow dryers.

You know what I hate?  Snow shovels.  You know what I had to use for the first time in memory?  You know where this is going. I had to shovel a path to the poultry, and then paths FOR the poultry so they could walk to their feeders.  I shoveled the driveway like 4 times on Friday, gave up, and basically screamed via text message at my landlord until he took care of the driveway.  Not that it matters, seeing as how our road is not plowed and I can’t  go anywhere once I leave the driveway anyway.

MINI-ME INTERLUDE.

These photos make me laugh, because Dexter and Peetie are basically one-dog-same-dog.

Ears up, happy faces on

Ears back, crazy faces engaged.

The snow is good for photos, I’ll give it that.  It turns out that winter makes Winter look nice even!

When I mentioned earlier that my landlord “took care of the driveway” what I should have said was “#childlabourforthewin.”  He put his teenager, his brother’s teenager and some other random teenager to work with snow shovels and the poor buggers are the ones that cleared the driveway.  Which might explain the half-assed job of it, but hey, at least its not under a foot of snow anymore.  Rumour has it he paid them in Doritos.  The dogs heard this rumour as well.

Often I hear from people “I don’t know how you handle so many dogs!”  Well, it’s easy!

First of all, don’t bother training them, let them be shamelessly ill mannered and jump all over people and try and steal their food.

It’s especially effective if you let them mob people en mass.  Much less work than instilling manners.

Pay children Doritos to make them play with your dogs, so you don’t have to.

And then let them free-feed on the blood of those children.

Pre-order my book, “Owning Ten Really Bad Dogs And How To Live With Them Without Guilt” coming soon!

Just kidding.  BUT – as those of you who follow us on Facebook already know, I did in fact publish a new book!

book

I did it a little differently this time; I made it an EBook, so you can read it on your tablet, like an iPad or Kindle, or even on your desk top.  I did it this way because the traditional coffee-table style book is SO EXPENSIVE to produce, especially as my books are so photo-heavy, that it’s cost prohibitive to publish.  Like this one would have been around $70.00.  Ridiculous.  So as much as I love the coffee-table style photo book, I figured – y’all already look at my photos on some kind of digital device, why not make the book in the same format?  That way it’s affordable and convenient and full of instant gratification (order, download, enjoy!)

My personal goal is to sell 100 copies of the Ebook, and I am nowhere near that goal.  So please help me accomplish something this year, and boost my kicked-in-the-arse self esteem, and buy my book!  It’s only $10 CAD, so practically free for you Americans, and it’s pretty funny if I do say so myself :)

Mr. Woo will judge you if you don’t buy a copy.  Don’t nobody need that kind of grief in their lives.

And now I am off to make the long long trek on foot to the store to buy milk,  because without milk there is no coffee, and without coffee, there is no life.

And *Poof* – Like Magic, It Was Gone

The snow that is.  It got warm, started raining and overnight, inches and inches of snow has vanished, like it was never here.

(This post would be more effective if I had photos taken after the snow melted, but it’s raining and I don’t wanna take my camera out there)

It’s hard to imagine that just a few days ago it still looked like this!

The only thing that has still not melted is my driveway, which remains not only an ice rink, but a wet EXTRA slippery ice rink.  Apparently the expression “it gets worse before it gets better” was invented specifically to describe trying to drive out of said extra slippery ice driveway, which was the silly thing I attempted yesterday before giving up, sliding backward into my spot and deciding I didn’t *really* need to go out after all.  I’m hopeful that another day of rain will make it navigable.

Addy is completely skeptical of the sudden change in weather.  She starts shivering before we go outside in anticipation of this:

And then is pleasantly surprised when there is no snow to be found and it’s a balmy 11 degrees.  But then is pissed off that everywhere in the grass that is springing back to life after being smooshed down for a month and a half, is a puddle lurking right at Addy-belly height.  It’s hard to be a tiny dog sometimes.

The other dogs don’t seem to care either way.  As long as they have a ball, the collies don’t care if it’s a monsoon, typhoon, hurricane or sandstorm.

It’s mine, you can’t have it.

These two just want cookies.

I would also like cookies pleaz kthnx.

… and nobody knows what this dog wants.

And this dog just wants to cosplay Snoopy.

(These two just kill me, the are SO FREAKIN’ ADORABLE!)

I actually miss the snow.  Despite complaining about it for like 6 weeks, I guess I had forgotten how much I hate mud.  I was spoiled by not having to wipe paws and bellies every time the dogs come in from outside for so long!

Stop wiping my feet, or I’ll kill you.

 If only the snow wasn’t so cold … and if my landlord would have sanded or plowed the driveway, the snow coulda just hung around until it was 25 degrees outside.

Also, I will miss taking photos like this:

I’m sorry I said that thing about my feet and murder.  Please love me.

(I taught Winter to stand up on his hind legs and turn his back to me rather than putting his paws on me when he wants cookies or pets, that way he doesn’t get reboundy terrier mud feet prints all over my clothes.  This is my view of that trick.)

Winter’s creepy!

You’re all creepy.

(says the turkey with a tiny penis on its forehead)

So Wootubers … I am looking to partner with other creative types to create some sellable items that combine my artistry and yours.  I partnered a few years ago with Claudine of Laughing Dingo Studios for a limited edition Woo print if you recall, and it was quite a hit and very successful.  I would like to do this again, or something similar, or work with an artist wherein we could combine our services for a fee – ie, I take the photos, client chooses a photo(s) to be turned into a painting, sculpture or similar, at a discounted rate for the client for combining the services.  It will build up both our portfolios while earning us both some dineros and also offer people a unique blend of services!  Are any of my Wootube friends interested in partnering for something like this?  Any Wootubers interested in purchasing such a service?  Food Lady needs to make some dog food money while building up her business (and thank you all for the many many shares, please feel free to keep sharing and recommending my business!).  I have a couple of interviews coming up for part time jobs to keep us all in kibble and potato chips in the meantime, but I have this funny catch-22 where if I am employed full time I can’t walk my clients’ dogs, but if I don’t walk dogs full time I can’t … you know, afford to live.  Got any other brilliant ideas for me?

Judgey Spring will judge you if you don’t!

This Is The End, My Friend

Yesterday marked ninth anniversary of the day that my Briggsy Bubba Border Collie was recycled back into the Universe.

That means almost 20 years ago my adventures in red doggedness began.  It’s strange to look at the pack now and see no red border collies gazing back at me (I’m really going to have to do something about that one of these days).  There’s just Woo, who in his orangeness is not quite red  … and not quite a border collie.

I volunteer as tribute.

I was feeling a bit melancholy about the anniversary of his passing, and missing Tweedles too, and had planned to a little post honouring his memory.  But yesterday became a very sad day in its own right.

Yesterday, the gates of Hell opened up and swallowed back one of its minions when the legendary Tempus Fugit passed away suddenly.  He developed a blood clot at the diverticula where the aortic vessels branches off into the two femoral arteries.  His hind quarters stopped receiving blood flow and he was paralyzed.  His kidneys stopped receiving blood flow and were shutting down.  And his body was not able to dissolve the clot. And after 24 hours of hoping for progress, his humans made the kindest decision and released him from his pain.

Right now, Tempus is looking up at us (because he surely went to Hell) and smugly gloating that he didn’t give up his fatal blood clot and managed to resource guard it bitterly to the end, and he won.  For this is the only way that a dog like Tempus could go out; he would get something fatally strange, and he’d keep it because damn it, it’s his and he’d bite anyone who tried to take it away.

Does it sound like I’m making light of the passing of a dog I loved very much, and who was loved very much by my best friend?  I’m sure it does, but I’m really not.  Tempus was an extremely disturbed little dog with a myriad of behavioural issues that would have worn down most owners – I certainly could not have lived with him.  He was a Terrier with a Capital T.  He was a consummate resource guarder, he had severe barrier frustration, he had all kinds of intensely bizarre quirks and you’d need a really big sack in which to stuff all the triggers that would send him into FURY.  He’d bite you as soon as look at you if you rubbed him the wrong way, and his entire life he tried to bite (and sometimes was successful) Fiona when she put him in a crate in the car.  And he *loved* Fiona – but was an equal opportunity biter.  He could hold a grudge like you wouldn’t believe – way back in the day when we all played flyball, one time Tweed got all excited and nipped Tempus when he passed him in the lane.  Tem waited for A WHOLE OTHER TOURNAMENT to get his revenge; he sped toward the first hurdle, stopped and turned around, came racing back and bit ME in the ankle, then resumed his run.  Because I belonged to Tweed and by doG, someone was going to pay for that nip A MONTH AGO.  He was truly a terrible, vindictive little animal.

He was also an amazing flyball dog, and a successful agility dog.  And he could be freakin’ adorable when the mood struck him.  He could be amazingly cuddly.  He loved puppies.  He head humped Peetie with gusto.  And he was always so happy to see his friends.  He lived his life hard and he was hard to live with.  He also lived an AMAZING life, because his human accepted him for who and what he was (demon spawn) and worked not against him but rather around him.  I don’t think she and her hubby have been on more than one vacation in 13 years because you certainly couldn’t leave Temmy with someone else; you’d have come home to a dead dog sitter and Tem resource guarding the corpse.  They worked with him on what they could, and accepted what they couldn’t, and gave him a life that 99% of people in this world could never have offered the shifty little bastard.  They saved him from himself countless times and set him up for safety and success over and over and over. He was possibly the luckiest dog in the world.

It’s the truly stand out dogs that make the deepest impressions on our soul (though Tempus probably stole some of our souls and ate them).  Every one of our dogs leaves their mark and leaves sadness in their place when they go.  But it’s the truly remarkable dogs, the really good ones, and the REALLY bad ones, that depart this mortal coil as legends.  And Tempus was nothing if not legendary.

I went to see him yesterday at critical care and said my goodbyes to that fine little shithead of a dog.  My world is a little emptier without him.  Fiona’s is a whole lot emptier.  But he’s still with us, because there are dozen, thousands, countless tales of his veracity, his antics and his temper.  There will never be another Tempus, which is a good thing – but there will never be an end to the stories about him we could tell, and will tell, over and over again.

So raise a glass tonight in his honour, and tell someone you love a tale of a dog that you loved deeply, in Temmy’s honour.

The Terrier Minions compel you.

RIP Tempus.

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