Journey to the Center of the Earth

That’s where Addy thinks she’s going, judging by the ENORMOUS holes she is digging in my lawn.

Worse yet, there is absolutely NO stopping her.  You know how if you yell at a border collie, the world comes crashing down, life as they know it ceases to exist and not only do they want to die, they will never, EVER repeat the behaviour that got them yelled at in the first place?

Yeah.  Not Italian Greyhounds.  They just either flat out ignore you and keep doing what they were doing, or they mock your feeble attempts at discipline with sarcastic commentary.

Oh sorry, did you say something?  My ears don’t actually hear Dumbass, so you should probably just shut your yap.

They are just the sassiest, most irreverent little shits.  Before I got them, I read a lot of stuff about how you can’t have them off leash because they are “spooky” and likely to bolt, or they are prey-driven and likely to bolt.  I call bullshit – they are assholes, and therefore just plain likely to leave when they feel like it, all the while ignoring your recall because they’re faster than you are and they know it.

I am no stranger to the ways of The Independent Dog who comes not whence you call.

-Ahem-

But at least he has the decency to be somewhat contrite about it when he finally makes his way back / is caught (because he is not as fast as an IG).  “Contrite” does not exist in IG language.  Every single one of the damn things should be called ‘Will’ as in “I WILL kill you if I ever catch you, you skinny pencil necked bunghole!”

They do bad things every day, and they do the SAME bad things every day, with no indication that a) they are sorry for doing it or b) that they remember they got in trouble for it the day before.  Addy digs holes, sneaks into the chicken coop to eat chicken poop and tries to counter surf, desperately (HAHA SHORTLEGS!).  Ender wanders up to the road to yodel at passerby and pee on my landlord’s wife’s car (don’t tell him that!) AND actually does counter surf, or will use my torso as a launching pad to get on the counter while I am preparing food.  Both of them completely ignore me stomping, yelling and screaming at them to STOP IT RIGHT NOW.  There’s a lot more rage/yelling in my household since these two joined it.

I’m not sure if it would be different if I raised one from a puppy, but right now I get the impression that people who really like Italian Greyhounds have really low expectations when it comes to good dog behaviour.

Addy gets away with it because she’s so flippin’ adorable.

Ender gets away with it because I’d have too much explaining to do if I snapped his pointy little spine.  He makes me feel the same way he makes Dexter feel.

I can’t imagine doing agility with either of them, because I really can’t imagine either of them would be inclined to listen to me for more than 7 consecutive seconds.  Plus I’ll be too tired because Ender wakes up at 6:30AM every single day and decides he needs to pee, so I never get to catch up on my sleep.  This the reason I hate him the most.  Food Lady *likes* sleeping.

Anyone want an Italian Greyhound?  He’s not very much fun to cuddle as he is all pointy and sharp edges, plus when he wants down he will kick you in the face, and he will take over YOUR movie watching chair, in which he will bother you at the most inopportune times to cover him in a flannel blanket because his stupid long limbs are poking out and getting cold even if it’s 4 million degrees in the house.  If you refuse to get out of your computer chair and recover him to his satisfaction, he will rebound off the back of your chair while yodeling until you do.

I’m pretty sure I won’t get IGs again.  When the time to add another dog comes (and it won’t for a very long time) I think it will be another border collie puppy.  Unless I can clone Tweed.

I wish I were running Tweed at Regionals this year … I miss running my barky boy.  Dexter is always such a crapshoot – I never know which one of his personalities is going to come out and play.  Not his fault, he’s got a devil over his shoulder encouraging him to be bad!

And Spring is just not running with enthusiasm these days.  She’s all recovered from her leg wound, but she’s mopey and slow and inconsistent on course.  I have no great expectations of her this year.

Nevertheless I am glad to be able to go and play and see all our friends :)

I’m not glad about going back to work tomorrow.  Two days off are not enough!  I have been granted the solemn and sacred privilege of Using The Rider Mower by my landlord, so I mowed the hell out of the acreage.  I weedwhacked until I got a neck ache.  I cleaned out and planted my flower beds, built a box and trellis for the scarlett runner beans, got all three of my veggie gardens up and running and admired the new peep hatched out by one of my ornery hens.

 

But there is still so much left to do.

Unless you’re Gemma.  If you’re Gemma, you just enjoy being alive.

Or you CHASE MY CHICKENS.  I told you she was aging backwards!

Comments

  1. Alternate caption for second pic:
    “What’s that? I’m sorry, but I can’t hear you over how AWESOME I am.”

  2. Hi, just had a to drop a note and tell you what a kick I get out of this blog :). I’ve been reading for a few years now and I always smile, giggle or snort (at your expense of course).

    But, it’s also led to to a few other blogs that you have listed that I also follow on a regular basis.

    I honestly look forward to Saturday mornings–make a half pat of coffee and sit to down to ready my blogs (instead of the newspaper)–great way to start the day.

  3. Christina says:

    I have a lurcher. She is a force. I read lurchers were bred for their cunning and stealth, which perfectly describes her. I suspect IGs are similarly willful. I spent many frustrating agility sessions being told I had to be more interesting to her, and that I had to control her motivators. Maybe if I was Gandalf could I do that. Over the years, we have come to understandings about things, but she still definitely has tricks up her (pointy) sleeves. It’s a good thing I love her hairy face so. Border collies are definitely more, well, willing, partners.

  4. Ha, hilarious! I’m new to this website and IG”s. I rescued an IG/Chihuahua mix off Craigslist at Christmas with the intent on rehoming him to a sport dog home. Yeah, he’s still here. And your talk about they should all be called some from of “WiLL” , ha, mine’s Wilson and so far I have not been able to break him of the habit of taking off on me. He only goes for a few minutes and we are making progress about coming back to me. The other day I ran my Springer alongside my bike and thought I had shut my front door ok. Came back to find my sweet Papillon standing like a good girl outside the screen (although undoubtedly SHE was the one that pushed the spline out of the screen and made the hole). Great. Turned around to see if Wilson was ANYWHERE in sight and he actually was running happy as a lark straight for me. So now I’ve started running him alongside my bike also. You know what they say, a good puppy is a tired puppy

  5. You know what the problem with you having 10 dogs is? It’s that I get less Spring, Winter and Twooie stories. :(

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