How Low Can You Go?

Dexter can go pretty low.

Although Tweed, who is the Boss Of Everything (he’s 13.5 years old, he’s allowed), would like him to go lower.

Dogs can go pretty low.  People can be a lot lower.

So, you know how when you decide to broker some puppy mill puppies online as a money making venture, and one of your adult dogs tries to rip the face off one of your cash-cow puppies, so you take it to the local animal control shelter and pretend you “found” it that way so you don’t have spend money on it / take care of it?

Yeah, me fucking neither.

Say hello to Martine, a 12 week old rough collie puppy who has had a rough week.  First of all, some assholes were trying to sell her and her sisters her on an online auction site for a few hundred dollars.  Then one of the asshole humans’ asshole dogs decided Martine would be more interesting WITHOUT HER FACE and tried to tear it off.  So they wrapped a sock around the gaping flesh and dropped her off at my shelter, claiming they found her that way.

However, there were some things they didn’t count on.  They didn’t know that my receptionist called in sick, so I was covering the front desk the day they brought the puppy in.  It probably never occurred to them that maybe The Boss/Food Lady monitors that auction site.  Never in a million years would it have crossed their minds, I’m sure, that The Boss/Food Lady REMEMBERS EVERYTHING SHE READS and also BURNS INTO HER BRAIN the faces of shitty brokers selling their collie puppies online so that she RECOGNIZES THOSE FUCKERS from the photos of them holding the collie puppies!!!


TFL is also handy with a screen capture, and is quick to capture the part of the auction where the brokers post their full names, phone number and home address so she can give it the SPCA to follow up on.  Oh hellz yeah I did.

TFL is also a sucker for a sad puppy, so after sending the sad puppy to the vet to have layers of flesh and muscle sewn up around two drain tubes, she brings her home and cuddles her and listens to her gurgle as she tries to breathe through the fluid in her nasal cavity because of the trauma to the bone.

There are no sad emoticons that are sad enough.  My heart hurts all the time in this job.

When some macho creep calls me a bitch because I won’t give him back his roaming, intact, aggressive Presa Canario for free free, I wonder how am *I* the bitch?

When some lady tells me I have “no sympathy” because I won’t put her at the top of the list for a dog she wanted to adopt after she didn’t call me back for 4 days, 4 days in which that dog sat in a cement kennel waiting for her or anyone to make up their mind about giving him a home, I think “how can you even say I have no heart?”

I have a heart, it’s just breaking into smaller and smaller pieces every time someone hurts a puppy, or abandons it in a park to fend for itself.

The good news is that Martine is a better person than I am.  She has already forgiven, and moved on.  She holds no grudge against people or dogs, and is a lovely, social, brave and wonderful puppy.  Her drain tubes came out today, and she’s healing.  And she’s healing me too.

She’s a very good girl.  So smart!  She knows her name, she comes when she is called, and she is almost housebroken already.  She is the POLAR OPPOSITE of Shut The Fuck Up, who thinks her name is “What The Hell Are You Doing NOW??”, runs away when I call her and pooped on my living room carpet not 5 minutes after we came in from an hour’s play outside.

STFU is leaving for her new home tomorrow, I think.  She’ll have her own stay at home mum, and a big ole Lab to boss around.  Fingers crossed for a successful adoption please!  Because, you know, 10 dogs in my house.  Yep.

In other adoption news, I have finally listed Winter for adoption.  What with the chicken killing and all, he should probably find a home of his own.  I suspect he’s going to be a hard sell though, because he’s had to go back on the Zylkene … he started peeing in the house again recently, and has escalated from stealing a single sock and sleeping with it to gathering up all my clothes that he can reach and making a nest of them, to stealing money off my desk, presumably so he can try to buy my love.

I don’t want to keep Winter (or Kieren) because I don’t want this many dogs.  But I admit I am having a tough time even thinking about letting Winter go.  I will miss photo ops like this for many more reasons other than they are HILARIOUS.

Sometimes it’s hard to be me.  But not, I imagine, as hard as it is to be Dexter.  What with the wheels-spinning-in-mud-in-place-of-thoughts and all.

I expected very little of him from the trial last weekend, and I was not disappointed.  He was 0 for 3, crashing through jumps with his face or just running around them altogether.  Dexter is now my “class” dog, who will no longer trial because it’s like wiping my bum with fistfuls of cash.

Spring, OTOH, was marvelous and had two clean runs out of three, and has moved up a level.  She should have gotten a Steeplechase Q, but she was too busy visiting the judge and ring crew, so we are now practicing focus and not being so social when we are supposed to be ‘working.’

And by the way, if you are looking at her toenails and wondering whether or not to point out how long they are – don’t bother.  This photo was taken a day after nail clipping day.  That’s as short as they get!  She has the longest quicks EVER.

Lastly, for no real reason whatsoever, chickens.


  1. O, my heart. What a beautiful girl. I’m sure she’ll be snatched up in no time. And despite a rough start, she’s already gotten a huge leg up: TFL was running the show when those jackoffs brought her through the front door.
    I can only imagine what a job like that does to one’s emotional stability (and faith in humanity), but every post I read gives me more faith in you and TDBCR. You never cease to amaze.

  2. thank you for doing what you do, thank you for calling the SPCA, people don’t thank people like you enough, I couldn’t do it, so I am grateful for people who do,
    I own 2 rough collies so I am more horrified then usual, people suck :(

  3. You are a Goddess of Compassion. Keep letting those puppy kisses heal you.

    You are amazing and I don’ t know how you do it.

    Also. CHICKENS!

  4. I’ve been a follower of your blog for a few years now and every once in a while, the things you post make me have to hug my dog right to me until he starts fidgeting from too much love.
    Poor Martine. What a rough start. I’ll never understand how anyone can abuse such sweet, loving, and gentle animals as dogs (or any animal really). There is a special place in hell for people like that but I hope before that their lives feel some of the pain they’ve made possible for the dogs under their care.

  5. Humanity can never survive without those, who speak, and do for other species like you do.
    Most folks will never get it, only the truly special people on this earth, as much as it f’n sucks sometimes get to do more in one moment they they will ever do in a lifetime.
    thanks from humanity..

  6. There are special places in Heaven for people like you & special lowest places in Hell for the assholes like you mentioned above.

  7. Candace Battles says:

    Bless you!

  8. Martine is gorgeous. I am a rough collie person – grew up with a tricolor male who in turn because the family beagle’s best friend and partner in crime. I have a special place in my heart for rough collies. Very happy to hear that she is healing up & thankfully you *do* monitor the internets & dogs. there is a special place in hell for people like her previous humans. May they find it and rot there.

    As for Kieren and Winter I hope that they find themselves landing the ultimate homes. Spring has identical feet to my little American Eskie x Whippet x God knows what. Den loves his nails being trimmed which is great because his toes are pointy talons of death and tapdancing wonders. I clip them literally every week and have for the 8 months I’ve had him. Long quicks, long pointy running toes! It never goes away :p

  9. When I grow up…I wanna be you Food Lady! You’re my hero when it comes to animals!

  10. My only wish is that I lived close enough to help. YOU are my hero !

  11. I’m sorry about your heart, TFL. Martine was very lucky you were there that day. I hope the puppy millers get not just the book thrown at them, but also get crushed slowly beneath aforementioned book.

    And I have to ask – what is that mysterious brown object floating in the air behind the hovering Springerfly?

  12. You are doing the hardest work there is for a compassionate person. I took a long break from shelter volunteering where I do training with shelter dogs. People are assholes. Seriously. I miss the dogs though so I have to go back as soon as my health improves enough.

  13. Luna has super long quicks too. I think it’s a terrier thing. For all the digging, you know.

  14. Hope the SPCA is able to nail the bastards to a wall. If so, it will be due to your diligence! Martine is gorgeous.

    Don’t want to imagine having TEN dogs myself. I would feel like I was missing out on giving them a life. You obviously do amazingly well but I can totally understand wanting a few to get adopted!

    Hope next week is a better week for you!

  15. Bless you, FL, for all that you do to rescue and heal – thank goD that is was you on the desk to take in Martine. DAMN THEM for being their g’dammned selfish selves. I now know some faces I’d like to rip off!!!!! I sure hope the SPCA does what they need to do – do you have faith in them???

    I am owned by a rough collie mix that rescued me when she was two. She is the sweetest being I know on this earth.

    Again, THANK YOU for all your efforts.

  16. You are made of all the awesome in the world and I hope you know that there are people that appreciate what you do. Thank you for being you.

  17. Um... Mystery Woman says:

    At the very least… thank *dog* he dropped it at YOUR shelter and thank *dog* you are the smarty pants you are to be in the know and report him!

    I *heart* chickens. It looks like you were running them through the poles :)

  18. Thank you for being you!

  19. Laura in California says:

    Chickens! Love the pic of Spring and Winter, looks like something from a ballet. An angry ballet!
    Thank goodness for Martine that you were at the front desk and that you have the capacity to deal with the asshats that come through your shelter. If we believe in Karma, lousy things will happen to those people and very good things will happen for you. Like maybe getting your pack down to a reasonable number of 7 or so :-)

    Hang in there FL, you’re helping animals that cannot help themselves.

  20. Dianne Stretch-Strang says:

    I’ve been following your blog for some time, but this is the first time I’ve posted. I have 2 rough collies–Jolene (above) and I have brothers from the same litter. My heart is just a big pile of mush for collies and I could not imagine how those scummy jerks could let that happen to sweet little Martine–or any dog. Thank goodness you were on the front desk that day and could take action against the scum bags. Human nature seems to go from one extreme to the other. There are wonderful, caring people who would do anything to help an animal and then there are the ones who abandon puppies, senior dogs, and everything in between, or even worse abuse them. Thank you for what you do.

    Winter and Spring are hilarious–2 peas in a pod!!

  21. Janice in GA says:

    Thank you for being the dog advocate you are.

    Also, chickens. Wish I could have some, but my Willow would eat them if they were permitted where I live.

    Much love to Tweed from his Georgia Fan Club. Hope his toe is doing ok! So far, so good on my Jasper’s toe.

  22. That poor puppy almost lost an eye! How did you manage to not jump over the counter and beat those guys senseless? Is Canada better than America about punishing people like that? If you hear what happens to them , please report back. Can you post the story about Martine on that auction site with the accompanying id of the guys? That should help sales.

    How is Tweed? Has he had his toe-nectomy yet? How is Two-iee doing in his new abode? Is it permanent or just a break for Dexter? And you! If ever a woman need a break! As others have said, you are my hero for ALL the stuff you do.

    LOVE the picture of Winter and Spring and all the other great pictures. Even the chickens.

  23. Dede in PA says:

    Bless you for taking care of that puppy. Hope there are some consequences for the people who allowed that to happen, other than that they lost a sale. That photo of Winter and Spring is priceless!

  24. Thank You, Food Lady. Thank You.

    Asshats like these make me sad for all of humanity. But then I’m reminded we have people like you, and I think overall we are net positive.

  25. Spring Ahead says:

    Way to go, TFL! We love you!

  26. If someone who lets their intact Presa Canario wander around freely calls you a bitch, you’re doing it right. I mean, I guess there might be wonderful, upstanding people that let their unneutered bully breed dog roam around town, putting not only their own dog at risk, but any other dogs/cats/children/other beings at risk, but that mythical person would probably be thanking you for keeping their dog safe and not calling you names. So you keep being that bitch!

    Also, next time that PC shows up, maybe someone could *ahem* “accidentally” neuter him? But then the owner probably wouldn’t want him back and then you’d have to rehome a dog that’s quite likely been socialized to be aggressive. Too bad you can’t “accidentally” neuter the owner…and “accidentally” forget the anesthesia.

  27. I like the way you think, Rachel!

  28. Man your job is rough!! Thanks for being there and helping all these animals. Poor dogs. Whats even sadder is there are poeple out there who treat their kids just like this. All of this breaks my heart.

  29. I came across this on another blog I follow and it made me think of you. It’s an interview talking about stress and compassion fatigue among animal caregivers and rescuers, and thoughts on ways to care for yourself as well. Thought you might find it interesting? Look after yourself Food Lady. Hope the pup is healing up and getting better. :)

  30. Jolene took the words right out of my mouth. Thank you, thank you , thank you!! Just when I begin to feel like the POS rule the world you do something to renew my faith in man(woman)kind. Hope they throw the book at these guys. Hugs to you and please keep doing what you do!

  31. I want what you’re on, even if all it does is make it easier to answer the phone in case it is the next “my Border Collie has bitten five people and I need to find it a new home” call, or one like came in today “I’m moving in two days and my new lease says no dogs, but he’s a great Border Collie, no, not registered, but everyone who sees him knows he’s a Border Collie and he’s not neutered, so great for breeding”. This was the first time I’ve read your blog, and I don’t expect it will be the last. Not only do I relate in a big way to what you say, I like the way you say it. Blog on!

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