You Promised It Would Get Better Now, But You Lied

*WARNING*  This post is full of ME POUTING!!!  Don’t say you weren’t cautioned before you read it!

Bad luck comes in more than threes, apparently … either that, or Karma can’t count.  Or maybe Karma is getting all sophisticated and is slotting my bad luck into categories rather than single events.  Or maybe I asked for too much good vibedness from the universe for my doggies and it boomeranged back some shit.  Whatever’s going on here, it’s not very good for me.

IOW, the sun is shining everywhere but on me.  Harumph.

It’s not raining, it’s pouring.

The world is KICKING MY ASS!!

Are you ready for the latest?

So I’m driving home yesterday afternoon along the highway.  It’s my “Friday.”  I leave early on my “Fridays” so I can get to class on time.  I’m cruising along in not-quite rush hour traffic enjoying some tunes when all of a sudden my radio signal disappears.  I’m all “WTF?” and look at my dashboard – speedometer, lights, temperature gauge – all gone.  Huh?  I step on the gas, nothing really happens.  Oh shit.  So I pull over into a little turn out on the side of the highway and turn off the truck.  Try to start it again – nuthin’.  Double shit.

Call BCAA for some roadside assistance – oh dear, let that lapse last year when I bought this hunk of crap SUV.  Renew that to the tune of $120.00.  They come along and tow my truck to the nearest garage where they tell me my alternator died.  ”And unfortunately for you, we have to take the whole front axle off to get at it to replace it, because it’s a FORD, and Fords are evil.”  $580.00 and three hours of mindlessly wandering Ikea, it being the only store around, later, I have missed class but have a running vehicle again.

This is what’s now known as The $700 ‘Friday’  That Ruined My Life.”

Seriously?  Hot on the heels of $700 worth of vet bills that I barely squeaked through my bank account?  I’m living on clear broth and noodles until payday so my dogs can eat and I get this handed to me?  Is this really happening?

Bad luck, bad luck, whatcha gonna do?  Whatcha gonna do when it comes for you?

The irony here is that the vet bills ate up all the money I had put aside for Regionals this year.  Regionals is on the Island in June and in an exciting turn of events, Nationals is also on the Island in August.  I’d been really looking forward to running Tweed in Regionals, doing really well (because he’s been a hot damn to run this last year) and then hopefully doing really well at Nationals too, since we almost never get to go to Nationals (it moves all around the country and is generally too far away for me to attend) and ending Tweed’s agility career with one helluva bang.  I mean, he is about to turn 12, this would have been his last shot at Nationals, since while he IS GOING TO LIVE FOREVER

(are you listening to this directive TWEED??)

*ahem* While he is going to live forever, obviously, he is also going to be really, incredibly, old the next time a Nationals comes our way.

So spending all my competition money on vet bills was a bit of a bummer and I’ve been sorta turning that over in my head for the last week or so, and then I thought “I know, I’ll ask my super smart fan base for some fund-raising ideas.”  I was thinking, like, more photoshoots now that the weather is getting better, maybe a studio day, maybe selling some prints or what have you … not looking for charity, just looking for some good ideas from some wise peeps o’ mine.  I mean, Tweed is already entered, so I figured one last kick at the can couldn’t hurt to try and get the cash together in time to party it up at Regionals for the last time ever.  Even though the stack of unexpected vet bills were a drag, I was optimistic that I could pull it together, and felt pretty much like this:

I DON’T FEEL LIKE THAT NOW!!!

Oh brother … looks like she’s gonna blow.  Are you afraid?  I’m afraid.

Run away!  Run away!

WAAAAHHHHHHH!!  Leave me alone, bad luck!!

I know this isn’t the end of the world.  I know there are people who have it way worse than me right now.  I know there will be other Regionals, and maybe even Nationals, with other dogs.  Maybe even Spring one day … she’s a smart cookie and we’ve started learning the 2X2s this week.  She’s catching on quick!

And Dexter, of course, has potential up the wazoo.  Sometimes the wazoo is exactly where I want to punch him, but we’re slowly becoming a team, and I know one day he’ll be fantastic.

And of course the WooTWoo are stellar agility dogs …. just kidding.

But there’s just something about that groove with my old man dog that I really wanted to pay respect to by taking him out of the game on a high note.  We’ve worked so hard to get where we are – that poor dog put up with so much crap handling and instruction from me over the years, and he patiently waited until I got it together and could run him like a real partner.  It’s been a long journey, he deserved a big ass party when we finally reached our destination, you know?

Yeah, cuz it was f*ckin’ exhausting!

(he gets his potty mouth from me.  *pride*)

And I know I should count the blessings I have.  Here are 6 of them, for example:

But I’m still really disappointed :(

And broke!  I’m still looking for some ideas to raise some cash, cuz I owe my mum’s credit card $700.00 worth of bad luck!  So post ‘em if you got ‘em (ideas, I mean).

I have a few things I am going to try to sell online.  Not my camera gear, never fear!

But maybe a dog or two …

WHAAAAAAAT?

TWoo Tails TWoosday

What a wonderful world…

NOT.

I’m going to change my name from “The Food Lady” to “Dogs Make Me Grouchy And Are Bad For My Bank Account So I’m Getting Goldfish Instead.”  Yes, it’s rather a mouthful, but it more accurately reflects today’s current trends.

Hot on the heels of Piper trying to commit suicide and then swallowing the evidence, Tweed limps onto the stage and steals the show for a while.  But when you have a houseful of ornery dogs, nobody gets to be the star for very long.  Someone always comes along and thieves their thunder.  This week’s contender is the $250.00, three layer stitch job that Diva Dexter demanded this week.

How do you suppose this massive flap of skin removed itself from Dexter’s person?

Why the eff are you glaring at me?  You want some too, b*tch?

Now to be fair, I didn’t see it happen.  I didn’t see anything.  I wouldn’t even have seen the GIANT GAPING WOUND had I not given Dexter our ritualistic full body hug before bed on Wednesday night, which made him yelp and wince.  I poked and prodded the poor guy all over until my hand came up bloody and I found myself staring at his ribs without the customary pesty hair and skin impeding my vision.

Poor Dexter :(

The ONLY reason I have not throttled TWooie with my bare hands is that I didn’t catch him in the act.  I can’t prove he did it, and to be fair it could have been an accidental grab by The Sproinging Terrier, or even Piper exacting retribution on Dex for pouncing on her while she was spinning for her ball, but since TWooie likes to snap at Dexter’s ribs and butt while Dex is whirling away from his teeth, I have to assume it was the fat bastard who did this.  And I’m ANGRY.

Yeah yeah yeah.  Whatevah.

Now I’m down not one, but TWO agility dogs.  Tweed’s week of crate rest is up today, but he’s still regulated to on-leash walks only for another week.  Now Dexter is in the same boat, as running could cause fluid to build up in the wound, so I’ve got two jacked up border collies who can’t have the amount of exercise they are used to, and the tension in this place  is building like you wouldn’t believe.  Tweed is very, very grouchy.

Screw you AND the horse you rode in on.

Last night, for no discernible reason whatsoever, Tweed picked Dexter up by the face and hurled him to the floor and tried to lay a beating on him of epic proportions.  Dexter squealed like a stuck pig, and fortunately for everyone I was right there and removed Tweed from Dexter’s face with the force of a woman WHO IS STILL VERY ANGRY ABOUT WHAT TWOOIE DID TO DEXTER.

I swear, I just want to close my eyes and vanish into a world where no vet wants anything from my wallet ever again.

I like to vanish into a world where you never say “Wootie drop it!  Wootie leave it!  Wootie come here RIGHT NOW!”

Piper’s diggin’ living in the land of the walking wounded, because it means she always gets the frisbee, since her contender-brother are leashed to me.

Except when her little sister decides she wants to play.

Pretty much only two things have made me happy this week.

This photo:

And these:

These are in my dining room under a heat lamp, hopefully growing into full sized, egg laying hens.  There are 3 Black Copper Marans (with feathered legs!), 3 Light Sussex and 4 Welsummers.  Their peeping is surprisingly cheerful and relaxing.

But otherwise, I feel pretty much like this right now:

Are you sure I can’t make you laugh?

Bad luck comes in threes, right?  It’s all over now, RIGHT?!?!