Doggie Death Wish

Seriously Riddle?

Obviously, Riddle wants to die.

Actually, what Riddle wants is a new home for Christmas.  I can’t believe she’s still not been adopted.  I show her to everyone who comes into the shelter looking to adopt a dog, and they gaze at her for a moment or two and then say “okay thanks” and they leave.  Yet somehow we’ve had multiple applications for Tiny Tony, who is kind of a dick, and has beaten up both Riddle and Spring.  He’s done nothing to enamour me of chihuahuas.

Who wouldn’t fall in love with this face?

And before any of ya’ll start bleating on about how I should just keep her too, let me just suggest you talk to my hand, because my ears are not listening!  The Food Lady does not require anymore animals.  In fact, the Food Lady is divesting herself of some animals post haste.

The first 4 to go are the eatin’ chickens.  Now the size of small dinosaurs, or import cars, they are all roosters who’ve been gettin’ their crow on these last few weeks.  My tiny rooster considers this a challenge, so the pre-dawn crowing wars have begun.

The problem with the eatin’ chickens is that before one can eat them, one must kill and clean them, because feathers taste bad.  While I have no problem killing them, research has led me to understand that cleaning them is a process involving an assload of time and effort, and I am short on time.  Fortuitously, my landlord’s mother is here visiting her grandkids over Christmas, and is a long time farm lady.  Today she offered to kill and clean them for me, if she could have a couple of them.  DONE!  SOLD!  Whatever.  Buh bye chickens … hello stomach!!

If I am home when she does it, I will blog it for you.  Maybe I’ll even invite you to dinner!

The next animal to depart Casa de Food Lady is Mr. Orange (pause for collective gasp).

This is the part of the blog where people are flexing their fingers and preparing to blast me for dumping an animal, but seriously – save your typing folks.  I am totally at peace with my decision to rehome this cat, mostly because I HATE HIM.  I told you recently of some of his antics … the final straw was a couple days ago when he walked over to the large metal pail that is the dogs’ drinking water, turned and looked me in the eye, grabbed the side of the pail with two paws and tipped it over, dumping its contents all over the floor.  And it was very nearly full.  It took 4 large towels and a mop to clean up the mess.  And this was AFTER he’d gone into the cupboard and thrown all my tupperware around the kitchen.  I have no idea what this cat’s problem is, but it will no longer be *my* problem too.

A nice old lady came into the shelter the other day and wanted to adopt a one year old orange tabby we’ve got in the cat room.  But she is quite a senior lady, and we were reluctant to adopt such a young cat to such an aged person … this is always a tough thing, because it’s not only not nice to tell someone they are too old for the animal they want, but also it’s discriminatory.  My coworker told her about Mr. Orange and the woman was sold – turns out she has a soft spot for orange tabbies with crappy attitudes.  So tomorrow, Orange gets to go to her house and be an only cat, with his own fenced in backyard and his very own soil bathroom area the woman keeps in her garden for the cats.

It’s like the heavens heard my prayers and answered me with a senior lady named Mary.  I don’t know why this doesn’t happen when I ask for the winning lottery numbers, but I’ll take what I can get.

And speaking of taking, and therefore of giving … it is Christmas time, after all, so I think I should give something to one of you.

If any of you would care to caption this photo:

I will pick the funniest caption, and gift that person with a $50.00 coupon to Mr. Chewy, an online pet supplies retailer.

You guys are always giving me stuff – good advice, thoughtful commentary, gifts in the mail even (!), I figure it’s only fair I give something to you in return.

As for me, I’m getting diddly squat for Christmas this year!  My parents just left for Hawaii, and my sister and her husband are going to Mexico.  It’ll be just me and the hounds this year for the holidays (insert pouty face here).

But it could be worse.  Dexter is getting neutered for Christmas (shhh, don’t tell him).

What’s “neutered”?

Thanks to a little payroll screw up at work, wherein my increase didn’t make it onto my cheques for the last 6 months or so, I had a nice chunk of “extra” money on this last paycheque.  Combined with the cash I’ve saved up, and the funds some of you have donated, my $800.oo dog can now lay back on the table and let Dr. Bowra open him from stem to stern looking for those pesty little bits.

Are you sure he has testicles?  I don’t see any …

And the next animal to go … TWooie!


Kidding, I’m kidding!  TWooie’s not going anywhere.  He and Dex are still not in love, but our new household regime has cut down on a lot of the growly-snarlies, so it’s getting better.

Maybe it’ll be Spring!  Although I’ve still not gotten any really good applications for her.  But I am pleased to say that today I went out for about 3 hours and left her loose in the house and came home to neither poop nor pee on my floor.  That’s a first!

I can’t believe you’re telling the whole world I poop on the floor.  What’s WRONG with you??

Could it be that she is finally becoming less anxious?  I look forward to the day when I can leave her at home with the other dogs all day when I am work, or maybe go out and have a social life even.

Food Lady is not allowed to have a social life.  Don’t even think about it.

*sigh*  A girl can always dream, I guess.

Don’t forget the caption contest!  I’m looking forward to seeing what ya”ll can come up with :)


  1. clairesmum says:

    no caption ideas here. i do remember that Gary Larsen cartoon, so I guess I am showing my age. Glad Mr. Orange has found a new home, cats can be real stinkers when they are displeased, and he was clearly not happy having to share his human staff with so many canines! I imagine this will work out well for Mr. Orange and for Mary. He needs a more attentive staff, and she needs to be needed – should be a good match.
    Twoo has a wonderful flamboyance going back there. I know he can be a pill, especially with Dexter, but I think Twoo is the luckiest dog at Casa de Food Lady. He has made such progress since he arrived with you.
    Here’s hoping you all enjoy the holidays, that Riddle and Spring find their forever homes early in 2012, and that Dexter and his naughty bits are easily separated.

  2. Caption: Nope, the flame feature isn’t working yet.

  3. I would love to adopt Riddle. Alas, I live in north Florida. So that makes things complicated. Especially as it has come to my attention that my dog would love a live-in playmate as she is absolutely in love with my neighbor’s basset hound who comes to play at least once a week (and taught my 5.5 yo rescue how to play!!). Here’s hoping someone special finds her soon!

  4. A slightly different version of the pearly gates perhaps?

  5. Randy Garvin says:

    Caption Idea:
    Dexter: I want my Mr. Chewey!!!
    Spring: I hope there’s some crumbs left for me!

  6. Caption:

    Spring – “Wanna play? Wanna play? Wanna play? Wanna play? Wanna play?”

    Dexter – “AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! This is the LAST time we “foster” a littly, springy, mixed-breed, pain-in-my-rump!! One more shows up and I’m LEAVING (and taking all the toys with me….so there!)!!!”

  7. It’s not a caption, but “Bat Out of Hell” sprang to my mind the instant I saw it!

  8. Leggo my Eggo!


    Okay Robin, I’m taking out the bat teeth!


    Modern dog evolution: four-legged can opener

  9. Does it look like I am just “playing?”

  10. Aislinn, Glenn, Coop and Joon says:

    Caption contest:


    “And you were afraid of clowns…”


    “One of these things is not like the other.”

  11. THIS is how you do “MAD TEETH”!

  12. Joanie-Leigh says:


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