Murder on Food Lady’s Farm


No, it wasn’t Wootie.  He’s bleeding from the head because he was crashing through the pokies again.  Some dogs never learn.

And it wasn’t TWooie either, even though it looks like it probably was.

And I *am* thinking of using him as an agent of destruction.

In fact, there has been no murder on Food Lady’s farm; I am simply premeditating one right now.  So let’s talk turkey.

Don’t be silly, those aren’t turkeys.  Those are my chickens.  My quiet chickens.  But my neighbours … THEY have turkeys.  And for some mystery reason, they decided the other day to build the turkeys a new run along the side of their house.  Which puts the turkeys about 50 feet from my head when I’m trying to sleep at night.

There are maybe 12 or 15 of them and while they are mostly quiet, when something concerns them, they discuss it.  Loudly.  And it sounds like this.

Between the effing turkeys and the neighbours’ addition of, for christ’s sake, a ROOSTER (why?  WHY?  Who needs a rooster except maybe your stew pot?) I’m awake these days from pretty much 3AM onward.  As soon as the turkeys settle down, the rooster lets us all know that the sun will be rising in, oh, 3 hours or so.  At this point, I’ve gone off birds altogether.

I am trying to think of a polite way to tell my neighbours that first of all, the turkeys can’t live in the brand new, expensive enclosure they just built or I’m going to come unglued, and worse yet, the rooster cannot live here at ALL.  I don’t want to be that neighbour, the one who is always complaining, but I kind of think that I shouldn’t have to sleep with turkeys.  And roosters are assholes.  I mean, we have a perfectly good barn these animals could live in, and it’s quite far from my headboard.  We have 10 acres … surely to doG the farm animals can live on, you know, the farm parts and not in our yards?  It’s not an unreasonable thing to ask, is it?  I mean, getting a full night’s sleep is hard enough, what with Piper and Tweed snarking at one another under the bed.

*blank look*  I never.
The more astute among you will by now have noticed the ground is covered in snow.  That was a surprise to all of us.  I walked the dogs yesterday morning at 5:30AM and there was no snow at all.  Less than two hours later I went to leave for work and my van looked like an igloo!  It was a veritable blizzard, and made driving to work really quite scary (especially on just 4 hours of sleep, thank you TURKEYS / ROOSTER).  But as soon as I crossed the bridge into Coquitlam the snow had all but stopped and by the time I hit Vancouver, it was sunny out.  Seems the snowstorm only attacked those of us in the sticks.
So today it’s freezing cold outside, but very beautiful.
And the dogs are loving it!  Because The Food Lady is more willing to spend time outside when it is cold than when it is soaking wet.
They didn’t even mind the Icecapades too much.  There was much hilarity (for me) watching them try to skitter across the frozen water masses.
This is funny for you why, exactly?
I dunno Piper … I guess because I’m giddy due to lack of sleep.
I could take out those turkeys for you.
Maybe I’ll just invite all of you over for an ENORMOUS turkey dinner.
In the meantime … I’m going to my happy place!


  1. My chicken coop with 2 roosters is about 30 feet from my bed and then there’s 3 guard dogs that roam all over in the backyard and the pasture behind the house barking. You get used to it. I’ve actually been thinking of getting turkeys (mmmmhhhmmm they taste good). The Great Horned Owls are almost in their breeding season and start making all kinds of noise then too.

    Your pictures are gorgeous as always. How’s the egg laying going?

  2. The Food Lady says:

    Nope, I don’t think I will get used to it. And I also don’t think I should have to get used to it. I think there are 9 other acres of land here that the turkeys can live on, and there is no reason why 3 goats, 15 turkeys and 30 chickens all have to live within feet of my bedroom when we have acreage, a barn and two partially fenced pastures they could utilize. They should live in the barn.

  3. I missed the 10 acres part when I was reading (too many nice pictures). You’re right with that, you would think they would house them somewhere else. I don’t have neighbors to worry about, but if I did I would be more considerate too.

  4. Major sympathy to you with roosters and turkeys (noise), not to mention goats (not billys I hope, the smell is beyond description) on your doorstep. And to the dogs of your heart who could be so helpful in this situation but must not. I hope you all can wait it out because usually this brutish and thoughtless neighbour-type ruins your life temporarily and goes away. Hopefully sooner rather than later, maybe by the end of the year(!)

  5. The Food Lady says:

    My neighbours are actually really nice people … I think they just put the cart before the horse, so to speak. I think they got all excited about getting farm animals before they prepared adequate housing for said animals. The probably don’t know that the turkeys are disturbing me. Having said that, they have GOT to know that the rooster can’t be crowing all day and damn night long. He lives in their yard, it has got to be irritating them!!

  6. Not unreasonable at all. I’d say try and go over there when you are not sleep deprived, bring some nice cookies or tea or something and try and discuss it with them rationally. *Try* I say! lol

  7. Are the turkeys etc close to their abode as well? When you talk to them you might also drop the hint that in the warmer weather there will also be the issue of smell when the turkey droppings are moist & warmed by the sun. Eww!

  8. rosali(ta) says:

    I really like your happy place. Its very beautiful.
    I hope the turkeys stop having so much to discuss while the situation gets sorted out.
    Happy New Year!

  9. And if Adrienne’s suggestion doesn’t work, help Twoo find himself a nice turkey dinner! >:-]

  10. Um…happy new year?

    My very nice neighbors on the same property decided they wanted their compost pile to be “natural” (i.e. free ranging, without any sort of containment) and that they wanted to put EVERYTHING in it: meat scraps, leftover scrambled eggs, etc. In other words, they stoked the pile with things that taste really really good to dogs, all mixed in with horrid things like coffee grounds and…you get the idea.

    I lay awake at night worrying and fuming, but after enough of those nights I finally bit the bullet and told them it really wasn’t working for me. It took a little negotiating, but they eventually agreed to cover it up, I bought them a $10 gift card to the local coffee place to show my appreciation, and peace in the neighborhood was restored, fortunately before we reached the point of an expensive and scary vet visit.

    If I can summon up the courage and grace for such a conversation, I know you can. And obviously, you must.

    Before they decide to add peacocks, that is….

  11. The snow is clearly punishment for teh gays in your red-neck of the woods:

    I’m not sure who Pat Robertson would blame for the turkeys…

  12. Logic would say that the turkeys and rooster must be bothering the neighbors as much as they are bothering you just as a barking dog would annoy its owners as much as it annoy me – but it doesn’t seem to be true.

    I would go talk to them when you ARE sleep deprived and try to look as pathetic as possible. :-) But talk to them you must and if they are nice people they should be willing to make changes.

    Several of the pictures in this post are stunning. But the picture of Woo with his bloody head hurt my heart.

  13. Cathy, Che and Jeepers says:

    I would go to the municipality immediately and check all the bylaws. Speak to your council member. The hell with neighbourly relations. The proximity of livestock to a dwelling sounds totally illegal, even for a farm. They probably didn’t get a permit.

  14. Turkeys are great stuffed, and roosters make good soup stock!! Seriously, I feel for you–there’s nothing like a ruined night’s sleep to make you want to send the dogs over.

    I do love your pictures!! Great winter shots.

  15. alas…what bothers us doesn’t always bother the offending party. Take my douchy neighbors…their constantly barking dogs annoy the hell out of me…but apparently they can’t hear them. Heck…they even got mad at me for calling Animal Control about it finally at 1 am one morning (after 1.5 years of putting up with it).

    I wish people had more awareness…your neighbors are at least nice…mine randomly scream at me in front of the neighborhood…it’s quite lovely. Would TWooie like to come eat them? They are fatty…probably quite tasty! ;-)

  16. Do the turkeys not disturb your neighbours too?

  17. i seem to recall you posting pictures of a few members of the local coyote population. they are probably the reason why the turkeys and baby goats are being kept so close the the houses. you’re right about the barn — everyone should be herded into it for safekeeping at night.

  18. Hang in there – can you invite a pack of friends over for a huge earlier Thanksgiving with all the American and their guns?

  19. Perhaps their house is better insulated for sound? Either that or they are really inconsiderate. Perhaps if you let them know there’s a problem, they’ll work with you. Certainly the turkeys can go elsewhere, and the roo just needs to be locked in the coop at night. If that doesn’t shut him up, I’d have him for dinner! I won’t put up with a noisy roo, and I certainly won’t let them annoy my neighbors!

  20. Happy New Year.

    Just be glad your neighbors didn’t decide to get peacocks. A guy that lived near my dad had some and I have never heard such an awful noise in my life.

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