Archives for June 2010

Sex and the suburbs

At least somebody’s getting some action!

This entry is not actually about sex, although Dexter the horndog would sure like it to be!

Hummunna hummunna

Still intact, his goal in life is to impress all the ladies.  He attempts this by giving them flirty ears and then spinning around to BUMP them with his hips.  Frequently, they do not appreciate his moves and give him Mad Teeth™.  Dexter likes Mad Teeth™ a lot and thinks they are an indication that his lady friend is flirting back.  It reminds me a lot of people – men think they’re impressing us, and we just want them to go away and come back when their manners are better and their brains have matured.

Alas, I do not think Dexter’s brain will ever mature.  This puppy is a test from doG, and I’m failing!  Never in my life have I had a puppy I want to throttle so often, so much and so until-he’s-dead.  Maybe you all can help, as you are useful sorts.  Please make Dexter stop being so freakin’ frenetic.  My word, his little key is always wound so tight he’s bouncing off the walls.  I don’t mean he’s hyper or never settles – he’s asleep right now after a piddly little 45 minute excursion through the property.  But doG forbid I move in my chair, because if and when I do, he will awake in a mad panic, fling himself to his feet and go scrambling through the house like Wile E. Coyote on the laminate and launch himself at the front door on the off chance that me reaching for a kleenex was code for “let’s go outside.”

And if I do get up and open that front door, he jumps off the deck OVER the barbeque and starts running in a big idiot circle making high pitched yipping sounds, turning his head to look at me and sometimes running into fence posts, or my car.  Then he goes flat Dexter on the ground and vibrates so hard I think we’re having an earthquake.

He is ready to go at a moment’s notice.  His drive is one of the things I like about him, but also what I HATE about him – and  managing it and keeping it below sea level is something else entirely.  He is not at all relaxing to be around!

Are you ready? Are you ready?  Are you ready?  Are you ready?  Are you ready?  Are you ready?

I’m one of those people who operates on the principle “when in trouble, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.” ha ha.  But really, he scares the bejesus out of me every time he does the leap up in a panic thing, which is about 40 times a day.  I am going to have a heart attack – I’ll be working away, editing photos, and shift in my chair and BLAMMO!  DEXTER PANIC ATTACK and it startles the shit out of me!!  Someone suggested I desensitize him to me moving by getting up frequently and ignoring him, which we tried for a few days.  Dexter won – he can outlast me with his eternal optimism that THIS time, I’m moving to do something exciting with him.

I could list lots of other stuff – breakfast time, he paces at trotting speed around the kitchen and must be told to “sit” at least 5 times.  He can and does wait for his breakfast until released and has every day of his life, but it’s a struggle to get him into a sit-and-wait.

I have had a lot of border collies through my house, many of them puppies and adolescents.  I’ve never seen anything like this.  Got any brilliant  ideas?  Sometimes I crate him when I need a couple of hours to let my heart rate drop back to normal ;-)  And we do lots of self control exercises, like waiting at the door and doing a down-stay while I work weaves with Piper, as a couple of examples.  It’s just that Dexter finds LIFE exciting as hell, and I’m a bitter old jaded harpy and I don’t share his enthusiasm.

And neither does TWooie.  He hates Dexter, probably for the same reasons I do! But I can’t be *that* bad of a trainer, because we have two TWoo accomplishments to share this week:

1) Yesterday, TWooie came to East Beach and didn’t eat anybody!  He did have one minor spaz at a Labradoodle who came too close for comfort, but all he did was bark, no rushing.  Big step for the TWoo!

2) He initiated PLAY with Wootie yesterday. This is the very first time I have seen him pro-actively play … occasionally he has gotten wound up by the other dogs and gone in for a heel nip or a short chase, but last night he play bowed for Wootie, and started doing crazy puppy around the lawn stopping in for more play bows and invitations to chase him.  He has never, ever done this with another dog.  Ever.

Oh Big Whoop De Doo.  TWoo played.  *yawn*

Okay so Tweed didn’t care.  But I did!!  I am so proud of The TWoo!

Yay, me!

Here is Tweed’s infamous gamble run, the one where he didn’t understand what I was asking and had to bark at me until the timer nearly ran out.  You’ll notice though that in the closing gamble when I say “go OUT weave” he tries to go to the opposite end of the poles and do an off-side weave … before the days of 2X2 weaves, we were taught that on-side weaves were “Weave” and off-side weaves were “Out weave” so he tries really hard to do an “Out weave” even though what I was really trying to say was “no, please go out away from me, and then weave.”   At the last possible second, he finally figures out what I’m asking and he completes the closing gamble with .22 seconds to spare – no kidding, it was THAT close.

He also misses his dog walk contact in the opening.  Oh the curse of the quick-release contacts, improperly trained and executed for 8 long years …

You guys have now viewed his Standard run 831 times, and Piper’s Standard run 539 times.  Holy cow!

Lost Dogs!

This is what happens

Nature and I are fighting a battle, and nature is winning.  What was once a downy carpet of gentle grasses and baby wildflowers is now a jungle of aggressive, pokey, pants-ruining monster weeds that trounce my efforts to walk my dogs!  Even when my dogs are right behind me, jostling with one another for space on the very narrow path we have managed to carve out on our thrice daily treks, I can’t see them.  I am forever screaming at them to “GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW” only to discover they are standing 3 feet away, mystified by my temper tantrum and gossiping amongst themselves about how I’ve finally gone and lost it.

Help me!  I’m looooooost!

How many dogs can you see in this photo?  Hint: they are ALL there.  Now you see my problem.

We can’t even walk along the dykes anymore.  What was once a perfectly respectable pathway (and by once, I mean, 4 days ago)

Is now totally overgrown, leaving only a space that reminds me suspiciously of my ex’s ‘beer hole’ in his freezer, before he moved somewhere with a frost-free fridge.

I have found the perfect escape hatch.

There’s only one solution.

We’ll have to eat our way out of the grasslands.

This is hard work, but someone’s got to do it.

“Don’t eat my underpants.  Don’t eat the cat food.  Don’t eat the dead snake.”  Oh sure, but now she’s all “Eat this grass!” Stupid bossy Food Lady.

Like good little foot soldiers, they did their best, but even the voracious appetite of dogs is no match for the jungle.

TWooie, of course, did not participate in the Group Chow Down.

Yeah, umm, no, I don’t think so.

Even when Piper tried to force him, he remained firm.


NO! And get lost!

He was too busy watching the sky for more avian offerings from the Aussie Appetite Gods.

Unbelievably, two days after the Infamous Bird Eating Blog, we were out for our evening stroll and TWooie came whipping around the corner of the barn with *another* baby robin in his jaws.  Even I was amazed at his good fortune.  Until I learned his terrible secret … it was the same fledgling.  It turns out TWooie will scarf down baby bunnies like they’re going out of style, but baby birds are a delicacy that must be saved, like expensive wine.  So he did not, in fact, eat little robin lice breast that fateful day … he simply stashed it in some tall bushes, where he found it again two days later.  I know this because I watched him store it carefully  in another copse of wild grasses in the horse pasture, then beat the stuffing out of Dexter for trying to go have a poop in said pasture.  Nor would he allow Tweed to go find his tennis ball.

That’s very wasteful, TWooie.

And your point is …?

What a rebel.

So here’s Piper’s attempt at the same Standard 2 course as the one of Tweed I posted a couple of days ago.  You will please notice the much more nicely executed front cross at the start, as well as the more stylish closing sequence off the dog walk, since Piper has a nice 2o/2o (as compared to Tweed’s always sketchy quick release contact, which is for the sake of his front feet).  You’ll also notice that her weaves fall apart in trials for some reason, so we’re going back to the 2X2s to build on them again.  If I could have trusted her to stay in her weaves, I would have been ahead of her enough that she would not have gotten a refusal at the jump.  Oh well!

Incidentally, you guys watched so much of Tweed’s video that Yutube emailed me and asked if I wanted to be part of their revenue sharing program, where they put ads on the video.  Ya’ll viewed it 698 times in 2 days!  Wow.

Clean Run

After much swearing, jumping up and down and downloading useless software, I finally found a way to get Regionals videos off the camera and onto the internetz!

I am going to randomly throw them into posts for the next little while.  But here’s a clean Standard Run, with a 3rd place overall finish, for my man Tweed.  Just to whet your whistle (wth does that mean anyway?)