Let’s talk FAIL

I. Suck.

(so does Cassie)
15apr (1 of 1)-2

I FAIL in many ways when it comes to my dogs.  The worst FAIL is probably how impatient I am with them when we’re training something. I just want them to *get it*.  I blame them for not understanding complicated concepts right off the bat – now, keep in mind, my brain understands that it’s not their fault, it’s my temper that refuses to listen.  And by temper I don’t mean kicking them until they’re dead for not performing, I mean stomping my feet and making scowly faces and asking them why they are dumb as a sack of hammers, even though they aren’t.  I am the worst kind of trainer because I want perfection and I’m too lazy to put in the work.  Therefore, I FAIL.

(So does Woo)
15apr (1 of 1)-10

However, my current Really Bad FAIL is being inflicted on Tweed.  Poor, poor Tweed.  First I broke him, and then because I am full of FAIL, I broke him *worse*!  Because I, the bigger blabbermouth of tough love, sticking to your guns, seeing it through, yadda yadda yadda, can’t seem to stop walking my broken dog.  There is a fundamental flaw in my psyche that prevents me from leaving my broken dog at home when the other dogs are going somewhere to have fun.

Yesterday it was a gorgeous day and we joined Joe, Cassie and Bandit at the beach.  Tweed SHOULD HAVE STAYED HOME.

But did I leave him home?  Nope.

Did I leash him at the beach?  Nope.

Did I prevent him from playing ball?  Nope.

Thanks to my Really Big Fail, now Tweed is limping on TWO front legs (this is the most awkward looking thing ever, incidentally).  He’s practically crippled this morning and I feel like a jerk!

You FAIL.  You FAIL so hard.
15apr (1 of 1)-30

Today I resolved to change this personality flaw, and I popped Tweed in a crate with a beef bone while I readied myself to take the other dogs out.  Usually Tweed is the first one at the door, yodeling away like an Appalachian folk singer and doing a little two-step dance that I find quite charming.  I steeled myself against the Puppy Dog Eyes through the crate door and the heartbreaking howl that was sure to follow us out the door.

Yeah, except he didn’t even look up when we left.  Beef bone? he said. For me? Wicked.

He was still gnawing away at it when we got back.  It’s like I didn’t even exist.

So not only do I FAIL, I actually manage to suck at FAILing.  I broke my dog worser because I couldn’t leave him alone because I was worried I wouldn’t be able to take the guilt and he didn’t even dish any out.  Imagine how much better he’d be by now if I had tackled this flaw a little earlier?

He is still in the crate.  I’m going to work on just pure immobilization for a few days to see if we can speed up the healing process.  I am ALREADY FAILING at this too, because I can hear him moaning in the crate and I keep getting up to go let him out.

Help me readers!  Chastise me, belittle me, scold me … do whatever you have to do, but don’t let me let Tweed out of the box.  I don’t want to FAIL again!

(like Dexter FAILs)
15apr (1 of 1)-14

If I FAIL at this, he will FAIL to heal up for Regionals.  We cannot have this.  I must find a steely resolve within myself.

I don’t want to be a FAILure, like Cassie.
15apr (1 of 1)

Or Bandit.
15apr (1 of 1)-12

The sky will not fall if I leave Tweed at home a few times, right?

(yah, try telling that to TWooie)
15apr (1 of 1)-8

As a reward for your hard work, I am going to share with you an event that is rarely seen by the public; an event so secret that most people don’t even know that it happens.  This is truly a Classified video, and it’s only my fondness for and trust in all of you that I will leak it here and now on Wootube.

What you are about to see may shock you.

This is a clip of your Food Lady trying to entice Mr. Woo to play agility.

BUT BEFORE YOU WATCH IT, you have to promise to keep three important things in mind for all 51 seconds.

  1. If you have sound, you will hear me talking to Wootie the entire time we are running.  DON’T DO THAT WITH YOUR DOG!  That’s a really big FAIL.  But Woo is ‘special’ – if you stop talking, he stops running.  Period.
  2. Please note how bossy The Sadist is.  Imagine paying money to subject yourself to that bossiness on a weekly basis – I do this.  Don’t judge me for it.
  3. Wootie wants you to know that only unimaginative people believe tunnels are ONLY for going through.  If you were as free-spirited as he is, you too could enjoy every obstacle in your life in a completely new and fresh way.

Please, enjoy.  Thanks to Cheryl the Llama Farmer for secretly videoing this behind my back *shakes fist at Cheryl*


  1. The Food Lady says:

    “FL, I had to go away and calm down before I could post because you made me so angry.”

    Wow. Really? Have you considered anger management classes, or meditation? Are you always this mean to someone who admitted she fucked up in a moment of weakness and had the balls to acknowledge it publicly? Maybe this is not the blog for you, because I fuck up sometimes – I am sure there is a perfect-people-who-never-fuck-up blog somewhere that might be more up your alley, as I’d sure hate for you to have a coronary or something!

    Holy cow.

  2. I’m sorry. You’re right. You were fessing up and I jumped on you when I shouldn’t have. I know how much you love those dogs of yours and I am an irrational bitch troll from hell. Sorry.

  3. The Food Lady says:

    Well thank you!! We aren’t perfect here at 3WaaW. I like Tweed so much I feel guilty for leaving him at home while everyone else has fun, and then I regret it later :( I know he needs to rest, he was just looking so much better that I thought he’d be okay with some splashing in the shallow waters, but I was wrong, and he overcompensated on the other leg. My bad. I am being a lot better now at resting him, and keeping my resolve to rest him a lot!! It’s hard, but I’m doing it.

  4. Hey FL
    I’m sorta gunna go with and against the crating thing. Firstly a caveat, in one of my other “lives” I do canine myofunctional therapy :). My suggestion would be to keep him confined to the crate most of the time, but I would be getting him out every few hours to do some gentle PROM (passive range of movement) stuff with him. This will prevent anything from seizing up or any muscles etc shortening making the recovery time longer. If you would like more details on which exercises, I would be happy to help you and Tweed make it to regionals.

  5. Perhaps you could play some one-on-one scent games with Tweed so he gets to have calm fun of his own? Hiding a toy or a shell game or something. If he’s just had some special fun FL time you might feel better about leaving him when you’re taking the other dogs out?

  6. MalaysianFan says:

    The Big Blue Disc of FAIL photos are all classics, and all equally hysterical. You deserve many medals and cookies and awards for them.

    [Who’s Tweed?]

  7. You know, come to think of it, I think we may be underestimating Tweed’s talent for Ulterior Motives…clever rockstar that he is, he knows there are few people out there who take better care of their canine cohabitants so he’s just going to keep playing lame and thus guilt you into spoiling him. He is taking advantage of your concern and I think he should be rehomed to teach him a lesson- say, to some condo in Coquitlam somewhere…? :P

  8. I agree with Karron, I think too much crating is a bad thing! Let him stretch his legs a bit… Just not at high speed!

    And don’t be too hard on yourself. Even with myself, it’s easy to think an injury is healed “well enough” long before it truly is. With an animal it’s even harder, because they have much higher pain tolerances than we do, so they *look* fine even when they aren’t.

Speak Your Mind