Can I help you with something?

Maybe you want to point that camera at something else. Before I rip your eyebrows off with my teeth.

Need help? Here: “Look Mr. Woo, foolish dog, there’s a cookie in the carpet.”

What? Where? Really? Where?

Umm .. is there really a cookie around here somewhere? And is my head really, really big in this photo?

Excuse me, Food Lady? Can I ask something?

Yes Wootie.

Can we go to the park?


Oooh, me! I wanna go! Me too!

Yay! This is so fun! BUT STAY AWAY FROM MY BALL.

Aww, I’m just kidding. But seriously, stay away from it.

It’s mine.

The secret to Wootie-Ball-Love is irregularly sized balls. (That sounds really dirty!). This ball I plucked from the toy basket at the last minute as we were leaving, as for the past few evenings Mr. Woo has been lying around in the leftover snowpatches eating “stuff” and getting fatter. It’s called a “Buddy Ball” and it’s twice the size of a tennis ball, but smaller than Fifa ™. I can kick it, and he can pick it up. It makes him very happy, and it makes me happy to see the lazy little shit get some exercise!

This morning while walking in the graveyard at 6AM, I glanced up and saw silhouetted against the street lights the unmistakable Big Vee of coyote ears.

Now, I like coyotes quite a bit. However, I also know that the cold and snowy winter has been very hard on our urban wildlife, and that they are hungry. Recently a coyote ate someone’s Yorkie in our old neighborhood:

So I was very cautious. I called my dogs, all of whom came immediately – even Wootie. Think they heard the panic in my voice?

And then – and this is the part that you will love, and wish there was a camera around – I put everyone in a downstay and then ran straight at the coyote. He didn’t move. Humph. So much for my scary reputation. I had to go Yeti on his ass.

Yeah, umm, what?

Ok picture this – the Food Lady starts running through the cemetery, waving her arms all akimbo in the air, stomping her boots with every step and yelling “BLARGH AGAGAGAG RAAAARRRR” at the poor animal. And he ran – boy did he run. So would you, if a Yeti in gumboots was chasing you.

The dogs thought I was INSANE. They never even saw the coyote, and just thought I was having one of my crazy fits. When I returned to them, Wootie started doing “Roll Over” and “Sit Like A Bunny” in case this was some new command he didn’t quite understand yet.

But we’re going to be a little more careful in the cemetery from now on.

Is a coyote going to eat me?

More importantly, is it going to eat my ball??

You’re both safe, don’t worry. It already ate the colour in Food Lady’s camera.

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