by The Food Lady on March 17, 2010
See?
What the eff do you mean ‘leave the stick, time to go’??
First you made me swim in the freezing cold water to get the stick.
Then I had to fight off Wootie with Mad Teeth™.
BONZAI!!
GET BENT!!!
Then I had to drag that sucker, along with waterlogged me, to the shore.
And now you’re telling me ‘leave the stick, it’s time to go’?
Uh oh. Food Lady, I see dead people again. This time, I think they’re you.
Today we went to Dogwood Park because I heard it had a swimming hole. I looked it up on the interwebz first and the park was described as “a bit small.” I don’t know where the reviewer regularly goes for his dog parks (Paraguay? The moon?) but it wasn’t small – it was huge! Lots of places to play Wootie Toy™ and two big ole swimming areas that didn’t smell *too* bad and then some trails for roaming through. Seemed pretty large to me!
The swimming holes were the big draw for me. I was just discussing with The Sadist (occasionally It just speaks almost pleasantly, rather than screaming at me and chasing me with a jump pole) how so many dogs running agility are just out of condition, because it’s hard to find time to exercise one’s dogs as thoroughly as one should. And my dogs have always been in superb condition because we lived on the ocean for 10 years and swam nearly every day. Since moving out here to the sticks, while I have had a lot of free time (*looks sideways, whistles nonchalantly*) my dogs are not getting the same workout they did when we lived really close to the beach. I find running them on the earth is not as effective, and we’ve had a lot more injuries this year than we ever have before, probably because there’s more impact to their bodies.
Also, SOME of them are getting a bit fat because SOME of them don’t like to play games on the earth so much.
La la la.
SOME of them are so fat they can hide a whole puppy with their girth. SOME of them may weigh as much as 33lbs.
If this gives you any indication how fat SOME of them might be – Piper is 17 3/4″ and weighs 29lbs. Dexter is 18.5″ and weighs 34lbs. SOME of them are 16.5″ and weigh 33lbs. Ahem.
Anyway. I’m always looking for a body of water in which to swim the dogs regularly. Everyone just loves to swim. Everyone, that is, except Dexter.
I read somewhere that ironically dogs automatically know how to swim, and seal pups need to be taught to swim. So clearly, Dexter is a seal.
Because this is NOT swimming:
This is frantic splashing.
Holy shit! AGH! AGH!!
Christ on a popsicle, woman, what are trying to do to me?
HAHAHAHA! I laughed so hard I scared a passing gentleman and his docile little Westie.
Now Mad Dexter is Mad.
He’ll learn, I’m sure. Especially as the weather warms up, because all that “lying on the ground trying to be invisible” is hard work and it wipes Dexter out.
I have an idea. Why don’t YOU go swimming? Come ‘ere, Food Lady ….
by The Food Lady on March 16, 2010
Do you like it? I designed it.
No he didn’t. But Dave and Joe did. What do you think?
I hope you’ll stop by often! I have lots of things planned for you. And if you are interested in advertising on Wootube, and reach oodles and oodles of dog lovers, message us for more information.
by The Food Lady on March 15, 2010
but my name is Mr. Woo. You haven’t seen me in quite some time.*drips sarcasm*
The Food Lady is too good for us lowly dogs these days. She never bothers to photograph us anymore. She doesn’t even know how to use the camera these days.
See?
I don’t understand what the problem is. It’s not like that boring old dog is taking up all her time anymore. She sent that ole’ bag of bones packing so he went back home.
There’s a lot less swearing in the house now. But also a lot less leftovers.
All weekend long she totally ignored us. I decided to to beat some sense into her with this big stick I found, but Piper and Tweed wouldn’t let me.
Tweed wasn’t really into it. He had another plan to punish The Food Lady and drive her crazy – all weekend long at the agility trial he said he did something called “blowing her off,” “flipping her off” and “giving her the bird.” I don’t know what it means, but he seemed pretty satisfied with himself afterward.
He spent a lot of time reflecting on what he calls his “Missing Contacts and What-Are-Weave-Pole-Entries-Anyway” plan.
Except it didn’t work. TFL says she still loves him anyway.
She still loves me?
And Piper is just a suck up.
“*I* didn’t miss any poles or contacts. Of course, I didn’t run in the trial this weekend, but still. I’m a perfect princess.”
Dexter is a spaz. He can’t be trusted with any Food Lady Punishment plans.
Now The Food Lady says she is busy working on making us more famous by redesigning the blog, so she STILL doesn’t have much free time to photograph us.
*sigh* My life is so hard.
Please tell The Food Lady to spend more time with us!
by The Food Lady on March 8, 2010
PSYCH!!!
Of course Sport does not run. But he DID shuffle determinedly after Tweed a couple of times, just like the old days, whilst we were playing DumbBall.
Sporty can’t go for long walks, so we compromise – once a day he gets to come clatter around the horse paddock while the other dogs play ball. For the other walk of the day, I slip him a Percocet, he goes to sleep on the big pillow and I take the dogs out for a long run without him.
However, yesterday Sporty accompanied us all the way down to the barn and back. He seemed to really enjoy it – so much so that when I let everyone out for an afternoon pee, he took himself for a second walk down to the barn without me. Then he got lost, so I had to go retrieve him. Fortunately, he moves very slowly.
But he’s pretty handsome for an old guy, huh?
This morning at breakfast he said that he didn’t want his food, he wanted what everyone else was getting, so he got a bowl of tripe, which he ate!
For dinner, he ate a bag of sample kibble that the nice folks at Elemental Canine gave us to try out. He also ate two slices of processed “cheeze” and about 4 mouthfuls of his actual, 40-minutes-to-prepare meal.
I rather enjoy having Sporty around. I do wish he’d close his eyes when he sleeps though, because I keep thinking he’s dead.
But he’s not.
Anyway, mostly I stopped by to let you all know that as part of my Master Plan for 3WAAW I will be migrating the content off of Blogger and onto its own server. There will be some changes to the site, which I’m making based on some excellent advice from Judy at JTdataworks. The idea is that 3WAAW will earn its keep down the road!! There may be some interruption to the blog, though I do hope there won’t be … but despite the changes you will eventually see, it will still be 3WWAW – ie, irreverent and peppered with swear words :)
See you soon!
